I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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