You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
