Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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