I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize