pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
