as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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