she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
only if we run a train.
done.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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