Everything about him screamed your future.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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