Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
