3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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