man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
