Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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