More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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