Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
