shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
