____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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