I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My hand turned me down
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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