Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
