Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
