last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
