Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
