I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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