I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
