mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
