There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
