Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
