Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
