Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
