I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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