used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
