So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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