is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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