i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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