a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
