At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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