so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
