Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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