when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
