You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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