I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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