Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
