I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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