You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i was born a porn star she said
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
