So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
