I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
