the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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