just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They took my balls.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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