clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
