guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
