its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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