Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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