wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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