Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who died my cat blue again?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
