My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
