I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
