Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
