I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
