So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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