Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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