There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
