I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
