Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
