life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
