fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
