Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
