I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
