Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
BRING THE BAGELS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
