I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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