So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
