WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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