Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
