cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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