I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
