Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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