She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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