wakey wakey hands off snakey
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize