You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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