can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
