Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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