I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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