he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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