i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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