Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize