no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
