it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
