he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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