btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
