I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
