Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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