my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
