My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
