Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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