Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
