I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
