O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
