THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
