Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
