Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
