ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
