Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
