I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
