He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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