We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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