I just cut my nipple shaving
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
operation have a gay friend backfired
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
