Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
