A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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